WHEN GOD STRIPS YOU OFF THE THINGS YOU VALUE

As a Christian I always believed that life should be lived according to God’s purpose. Whether you are in a fulltime ministry or working in the secular world, where God has put you is your mission field.

I have spent more than a decade of my life working in companies where I have earned good titles and the respect of people around me. The work became my second home. The adrenalin rush of beating deadlines, talking to managers and staff in distress, solving people issues, running workshops, justifying budgets, all gave me such a high that I thought I was having the greatest time in my career. Of course I acknowledged that it was God who blessed me with my job and my gifts. But work has taken its toll that I missed out years of opportunities to fulfil my role in using my work as my mission field. It took me years before I took the bold step to share the word in the workplace. With a willing and able friend, we were able to start-up a bible study group in the company. I would not say it was a harvest but I believed that the Holy Spirit allowed us to plant some seeds.

After a while, I found myself joining another firm and filling-in a bigger role. Once again, I was caught up in the crazy life of dealing with issues and bringing the problems even to my sleep. It was intoxicating but I found myself finding fulfilment as I sort out every difficulty that came along. I was a freak but I thought it felt good to be useful and needed. The pay was good and I felt adequate. My pride was soaring. It took me a year before I faced the fact that I had not done my part for the Lord once again. Eventually, the Holy Spirit led me to share with a person who was occupying a critical role in the company. It was a victory for the Lord.

“What a great God we have,” I said to myself. He makes me enjoy life and despite losing my focus on Him, more often than not, he still uses me to serve His purpose.

It came to a point in my life when I thought I could not ask for more. I have my own cosy home, a quiet and peaceful neighbourhood (with good and caring neighbours), a stable income (hence, stable savings), wonderful friends and an excellent career. I was thriving with success.

As if things aren’t enough, the Lord opened an opportunity for us to live our dreams of working and living abroad. I struggled for a while with the thought (which meant months) for fear of losing all that I have worked hard for. But while I believed that the stakes are higher I also believed that the trade-off will be worth it. We went ahead (after prayerful consideration and discerning God’s nod of approval) without really knowing where life will take us.

Gary and I are now in Australia. We live in a house shared with five other Filipinos. As rental fees in Australia are quite high, we believe that this is a practical move. While our number is not ideal, the church who owns the house agreed to accommodate all seven of us. We are staying in a room outside the main house where we have nothing but used furnishings that are either hand-me-downs or unwanted stuff that Gary managed to pull-out from someone’s garage. In this modern age, imagine me watching from an analogue TV where the signal is so erratic that you only get a chance to watch one to two channels. During bad days, sometimes the colours also go away leaving me wincing in the hazy black and white screen. We could not afford to get a cable or to even buy an antenna. We sleep in a double bed and having used to a queen size, we sometimes wake up with stiff necks or with back pains. But of course, this is better than sleeping on the floor with no cushion. Our neighbours do not care to know who we are so I have no one else to talk to when everyone has gone out to work. It’s not so bad but there are days when I just miss home.

For almost three months I struggled with not being able to get a job. I don’t know if my four days in a food shop serving customers, working in the kitchen and washing dirty dishes with tyrant and deceptive employers would count. But since that experience brought me nothing but a faint heart, l thought I’d just leave it behind. I have sent out 50 applications (and still counting) for just about anything (retail, construction, real estate, accounting firm, aged care, etc.) and still could not make it even for an interview. There were days when I thought I needed a break as a sight of another job ad makes me cringe. Suffice it to say that I have never been rejected this much in my whole career life. Now I have to face the fact that in this foreign land, I am “nobody” and what I have worked hard for in years now amounts to “nothing.” I found myself in the midst of very humbling circumstances.

Surviving Australia is not so hard if you have at least one person with fulltime job and if you have no kids to support. But because we have our own obligations back home, the expenses are double leaving us with measly savings. Seeing Gary come home so exhausted each night while I spend unproductive days at home made me felt so worthless.

I haven’t heard from any of my friends at home. While it felt good to reminisce the times we were juggling our schedules to accommodate the “despedidas” I realized it was only as good as it lasted. I do not blame them. No one else has as much “free time” as I do. I was embittered and desolate.

For the first time in my life, I was made to (strongly) feel so low, poor, weak, troubled, insufficient, all put together. As I agonize with my emotions and my thoughts, a revelation occurred to me during my quiet time. I just realised that I have been stripped off the things that gave me comfort so I can experience God’s joy, richness, strength, peace and sufficiency. Of course I would not be true to myself if I say my heart has been completely transformed but I have never learned about complete dependence to Him until now when I have lost a lot of things that gave me comfort in life. I have been singing the song “Your grace is sufficient for me. Your strength is made perfect when I am weak...” ever since I was a child and it was only now when the lyrics spoke to me with such profoundness.

As my weaknesses as a Christian get more and more magnified by my present circumstances, I started facing them head on. It is quite a struggle seeing my selfishness, my pride, my material desires and my wanting faith cripple me. I cry in pain and wallow in my failures. My days have passed, my plans are shattered, and so are the desires of my heart (Job 17:11). The words of Job became the words of my heart. Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer. (Psalm 4:1) The plea of David became my plea.

How does one find joy, richness, strength, peace and sufficiency in the Lord at a time like this? It’s unfathomable. But I get by each day through His words. Even as He keeps His silence, I do not give up searching for His presence and taking comfort in His words. Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. (Psalm 16:5-7). After all, I know He left us with these truths so we can remain and grow in our walk until He comes again. Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favour and a good name in the sight of God and man. (Proverbs 3:3)

I realise that the pains and struggles that crush our spirit will keep coming in and out of our lives. Sometimes I think the magnitude just keeps getting bigger and I can’t help but quiver in fear but the Lord left us a reminder of His eternal plan. Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. (James 1:12) It is not easy to lose your desires when you are stripped off the very things that gave you security in life but my experience hanging on to them only made me realise how temporary everything else in the world is. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever. (1 John 2:17) For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:17-18) Want to know my most comforting reminder? Only God remains eternal.