The Elusive Joy

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. “ – James 1:2-4


It’s been almost two years since I’ve left home to see what life has to offer in Australia. It wasn’t easy to leave a significant aspect of your life behind especially if you know there’s nothing wrong with it. We had good jobs. We have a house. Our families are close-by. Friends are within reach. But hey, who would pass a chance to live in Australia where life seems to be more attractive? It is by far one of the most liveable countries in the world. It is unquestionably a wealthy nation. Think about the job market, the health care system, the living conditions, and the overall quality of life a systematic and orderly system can bring about. Nothing like this compares to life in my homeland. It is a no-brainer to choose to live in a place like this should opportunity presents itself. So now here we are.

I knew coming here does not mean life will be in a bed of roses. But what I never anticipated was the level of adversity we would face as we “temporarily” traded our life back home. No one told me that job market would not be easy for overseas workers (especially Asians) like me. I am not for a moment judging this culture as biased but because of their desire to set certain standards, overseas qualifications do not count. Unfortunately, I did not come from UK or in European nations whose experiences are far more valued. Philippines’ standard of education does not stand a chance in comparison to developed countries and yes to a certain degree even one’s professional experience. It is not a debatable issue in my opinion. So yes, even in the midst of crunching Gary’s income I had to spend $2,200 to get an Australian qualification. How we were able to make both ends meet then only God knew.

After a thousand and one unsuccessful applications, I finally landed a job suited for my skills and my “qualifications.” Now, it’s been one and a half years since I joined the Australian workforce. What can I say without sounding ungrateful? It’s been immensely challenging! I suppose everyone, regardless of culture, has to prove oneself. But I find that even before I had a chance to demonstrate what I can do, some people have already created an opinion of me because of where I am from. I have created this notion not out of one isolated experience but several (maybe more than what my hands could count!). But I braved all of them mindful of my self-worth. Someone’s opinion because of our difference in colour does not faze me. I am not saying for a moment that it’s easy. Nothing is. Nothing has been.

Every day at work I deal with conflicts, complaints, workers who have quit their jobs but stay (in other words, lack the drive but too lazy to look around for another job!), managers whose egos are as big as their pay checks, people who have no respect for authority, etc. The biggest thing I learned in this job is taking pride in my job even if I get blamed for every other people problem that occurs under the sun! Too many unhappy scenes every day! Every telltale sign is pointing my direction out of the door. Well, gaining this experience seemed to have added value to my CV, or so I thought. To my dismay, being gainfully employed has not been helpful in my quest for another job. My rate of success has not changed even after one a half years in the workforce. It’s hard to say why.

Gary’s challenges are not too different. More often than not, he stretches himself because majority of people at work do not want to pull their weight. While he gained the respect of his colleagues, he never received the attention for his efforts from his manager. To add insult to injury, he was once offered a promotion and due to business decision, took it back. Never in my entire life in HR, have I seen such lack of professionalism. But Gary’s ballgame is entirely different than mine. He has no choice but to stay.

In our desire to change the course of our plight, we thought of taking the opportunity to apply for permanent residency. Maybe this visa will give us more options and more opportunities. I never anticipated this process to be easy but I never thought it would cause us so much grief.

It’s been more than a year since we have approached Gary’s employer to assist us in this endeavour. It’s been more than five months since we have signed a contract with a migration agent. Putting the papers altogether seemed to have taken forever. I spent nights working through every detail of the requirements and at some point thought about giving up in frustration. We persevered. We waited.

One day, I received the most anticipated email from Gary’s employer. They are finally sending the papers through. I thought about so many things we would do after we get an approval for a new visa. At last after our innumerable undesirable experiences, we will experience a breakthrough! One that I thought is going to start changing this pattern of disappointment.

Then one horrible Tuesday, Gary was ringing me in the middle of his work. My heart raced a bit as he’s never done this before. I braced myself for every word he said. The bank is taking over his company. There was silence. I wished I heard it wrong. Gary kept on with the details while I try to take them all in. Gary’s last instructions that I could remember was to ring our agent straight away which I did. He was as shocked as we were while trying to keep me calm. But there was no need to sugar coat the truth and I guess we do not need to have a background in Finance to understand where this is heading. We can’t move ahead with the lodging of the employer nomination.

Gary came home that night holding a letter in his hand explaining the situation and brief information on receivership. The receiver, which in this case is a bank, is taking control of the company’s assets to secure a debt owed by the company. I sent a word to our agent and we had a lengthy discussion in an effort to paint for us the overall picture including the worst possible scenario of going back home.

In the Bible, James said as Christians we should consider our trials as pure joy. How can someone find joy in all of this? From what I can recall, joy has been so elusive from us for such a long while. As much as my mind stays focused on my spiritual goal, our present plight puts out the little ember of joy that I am trying to blow into a flame in my heart. Suddenly, the songs of praise turned into tears. The prayer of thanks turned into sorrow. Where is that joy Lord? I long for that joy. I look at the scriptures and searched for God’s promises but no words escape my mouth to utter praises for these loving assurances. The processing of my anguish took a while to subdue.

I thought for a moment about our lives in the past years and I realised that could not be right. In moments when our finances seem to be dwindling, the Lord gave us a breakthrough. In the nick of time, God was there. We prayed for a house and He gave it to us. We prayed for a new job and He gave us more than what we asked for. We prayed for a chance to live overseas and He has granted it. Every day that we face different challenges, He sees us through it. Surely we have our fair share of our own triumphs and the Lord never had to explain why. Why then am I asking God the reasons why He is allowing us to go through these disappointments?

In one of my prayers, I cried out, “Lord I could use one win, just one, in the midst of all these. I miss being happy.” Then I realised happiness is not the same as joy. Why did James encourage us to consider our trials as pure joy? Joy only comes from the Lord. Nehemiah 8:10 says, “Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” When I received an award after finishing College and finishing my board exams in flying colours, I thought I was the happiest person in the world. When I bought my first mobile phone, I was so elated I could not sleep without tinkering on it with excitement. When I first stepped out of the country for our honeymoon, I thought it was the greatest feeling in the world. When I received my biggest pay check in one of my previous jobs, I was ecstatic I thought I was only dreaming. When I drove my first car (that I didn’t even have to pay for), it gave me such exhilaration that I thought will never change. But hey, these achievements and material things have only brought me momentary happiness... a level of happiness that has been gone long before the memories have faded. But hope in the Lord gives me reason to have joy. Isaiah 40:31 says, “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

As I once shared with a friend, our hearts are broken but not our faith. Joy can only be found in Jesus Christ. He is sovereign and He knows the plan He has for us which is meant to give us hope and a future. Despite my longing for a win and maybe an instant happiness, I find that joy has never left our lives after I have found Jesus.

The lyrics of the song “A Mighty Fortress is our God” clearly are such powerful words to encourage Christians to just press on despite life’s disappointments. Let me share the first two paragraphs of the song that I find truly comforting.

A mighty fortress is our God,
A bulwark never failing;
Our helper he amid the flood
Of mortal ills prevailing.
For still our ancient foe
Doth seek to work us woe;
His craft and power are great,
And armed with cruel hate,
On earth is not his equal.

Did we in our own strength confide,
Our striving would be losing,
Were not the right man on our side,
The man of God's own choosing.
Dost ask who that may be?
Christ Jesus, it is he;
Lord Sabaoth, his name,
From age to age the same,
And he must win the battle.

There are surely more disappointments to come but it will not stop me from doing what I was called to do in this place. My purpose far outweighs my desires. It is on its own a reason to find joy and rejoice in the Lord. "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord," Habakkuk 3:17.

"When God closes the door, He opens a window." I will wait for you oh Lord to reveal your next plans. In the meantime, I will not allow this present trial to take away my joy and I will say, "Praise the Lord!"