The Day the Lord Turned Things Around

One Monday afternoon, I spent some private time in the park with the Lord. As I sat on the bench and looked at the sky, I held with me my journal and my Bible. In between sobs, I cried out all my anguish over my situation. Even if I knew that God loves me and cares about me, my frustrations became too overpowering that I began to question why He has to make me go through what I am going through.

Just recently, I applied for a job in a registered training organisation that offers mainly hospitality courses. It was exhilarating when I was scheduled for an interview as it was the first time someone took notice of my resume. Of course I dressed the part and went for it with very high anticipation. I have the qualifications and the experience. I thought I could nail it. With swollen feet walking through unfamiliar streets, I finally managed to get to the place. Then the interview started with the manager asking me the silliest question I’ve ever heard in my years as a professional ~ “so what position are you applying for?” I was appalled. I didn’t want to sound rude so I politely answered the question. Before I could even process the whole situation, she was asking me the next silly question, “Your educational background is not from Australia, is it?” Just when I thought I heard the worst, she said, “You can’t teach without the Australian qualification...” Obviously, the manager is looking at my resume for the first-time! “Well, I thought you read my CV before inviting me in?” was what I exclaimed. Goodness! Why am I experiencing the oddest things in this modern nation? Even small businesses would know what to do with resumes and interviews.

Anyway, it didn’t take long to get over it as I went in for another interview. This was with an iconic fast-food brand in WA. The job somehow matches my experience but I didn’t have the same fervour as the first so I can prepare my heart for another disappointment. Yeah, that’s the cynical me. Hundreds of rejections? Who wouldn’t be? Surprisingly, the interview went well. It lasted for one and a half hours so I thought that was a good sign. I was invited for another round of interview but this time requiring me to also do a presentation and a training demo. Wow! This is progressing. With an eager heart and mind, I painstakingly created my subject contents, my spiel, the materials etc. that it actually took me four days to prepare! Come presentation day, I was unusually throwing up just a few hours before I left the house. I think I was not nervous. I was horrified! The entire meeting lasted for two arduous hours. The most striking thing the interviewees said was, “We can’t give you a feedback just yet.” As I nod my head, the awkward silence made me stare at my materials and then one of them said, “We are keeping these.” They are keeping my materials. Isn’t that a good thing?

Days went by and nothing was heard from them again. I spoke to some of my classmates about it and they all started feeling bad for me. I was wondering why. They said I should not have given my stuff. For all I know, they could have hired someone and use my materials. The words came to me as a shock. “So you do that here?” I asked. “Oh Arleen, it happens anywhere!” This was what started my distress. I could live with the fact that it would take a long while to find my place but do I really have to be subjected to this kind of treatment? They could have at least called me up and give me a decent feedback. Oh boy!

The bad thoughts and bad experiences all started coming back. My loathsome experience with the Vietnamese people, the innumerable reject letters, and just when I thought I finally have my chance, I get treated this way. To top it off, one of the persons Gary and I abhor started bragging about his promotion and his wife’s new job. I am not normally envious but boy, talk about perfect timing! Shut up! That was what my head wants to say.

The magnitude of my anxiety is getting at a level that I thought I could no longer handle. I turned to the Lord for help. Nothing I think about, read about or hear about is helping me. I cried out in the midst of the silence while sitting in the park. I could not manage to read the scriptures as tears continued to well up my eyes. I was sobbing for hours. It was almost 10 degrees and my body was trembling because of the cold breeze and the weeping. The whole time I was just asking God why. I didn’t even plead for Him to calm my heart. I was just sitting there hoping that He will reveal His answers that very moment. Birds hovered above me, some dashed on the grounds, and others just took off. I looked at them as I cried. Look at these mindless birds. I thought to myself. They worry about nothing at all.

The following day, as Gary and I were walking inside a shop, I received a call. It was from the last interviewer. The first thing she asked was, “Did you get my email?” From that frame of question I knew what it meant. “No, I was in my class.” She was murmuring something about another meeting to explain about the email. I said, “okay.” When I finally managed to open my email, it was what I thought ~ a regret letter. I suppose they would like to give me a proper feedback which is why they wish to see me again. I replied back to say the meeting is no longer necessary and wished them all the best. I should maintain my professionalism even in the midst of my frustration.

The next day while in the campus as we break for tea, I got a voicemail from the same person urging me to come to the meeting. I don’t understand. Then in between the British accent, I thought I heard the word “embarrassing” twice. Then I heard the phrase, “change of heart.” My heart leaped. Am I hearing this right? I shared with my classmates and they all gasped. “Oh, the one they offered the job to must’ve declined.” I thought that was an awful analogy but could be right. Well, at least I’m the second one. There were eleven of us who were screened. I was convincing myself. Then in unison, they were urging to me to take the job. Not that I need urging of course. Everyone I know knows I’m desperate for any job that I will take anything that comes my way.

When I went home I spoke to God. Are you turning things around for me? Is this really happening? Next thing I know, I am again speaking to them and listening to what they have to say about the whole situation. I don’t really need to know if someone just declined and they are professionals enough to know it was inappropriate to say so. The whole meeting to me was a complete blur. It doesn’t really matter now, does it? The only thing I want to know is if they are offering me the job to which they eventually did.

Finally, I am starting my first job in this foreign land on the 5th of October. Matthew 17:20 says, “I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” God did the unthinkable. He did what is to me an impossibility! I was once again humbled to my feet. I never understood God’s ways especially if He allows me to go through pains. I suppose I never even bothered to ask why He blesses me too when I do not deserve it. Isaiah 55:8-9 says, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” What a striking truth for someone who has very little faith. Surely, God does not have to prove His sovereignty over our lives. Yet once again He revealed His absolute power to change things and turn them around for me. What have I done to experience God’s faithfulness? Nothing. That’s just who He is.

Arleen's Law

“If anything can go wrong, it will.” The phrase more popularly known as the Murphy’s Law struck me in more ways than I ever imagined when I got to Australia. Oddly enough, everything that has to do with my work or my efforts to look for work has the Murphy’s Law written on it.

“What a terrible experience!” “That’s so unethical!” “Horrible!” “Unbelievable!” “That is so unprofessional!” Whatever the semantics, these words exclaimed by people who hear my stories aptly describes how I felt in all those “unfortunate” circumstances. Honestly, I am baffled why I have to be caught up with not just one or two but more aggravating experiences that I totally did not anticipate when I joined Ayi in Oz. Surely, the difficulty in finding a job has been factored in as a consequence of the GFC. “You came in at the wrong time,” as most of them would say. But to be a “victim” of people who take advantage of others (and not just once) is just not what I have prepared my heart for.

I have so many questions in my heart and although I knew how God would respond to my cries, I still could not help but ask Him “why?” To add insult to injury, I had to be placed in a position where I can actually witness my own unanswered prayers glaringly being granted to other people I “almost” abhor. I am not questioning God’s supremacy. Surely, He’s capable of blessing others in a manner and time that He chooses to. It’s just too much for me to take in.

Did I make the wrong decision? Or to make it more fitting, did we make the wrong decision in coming here? The answer to that has been made clear to us by God in more than one occasion. We have received His affirmation a number of times. So what is the reason for my present plight? What rightful place does it have in this route we are taking? That is my BIG question. I have had all those readings about trials and testing and all adages illustrating how challenging circumstances can make one’s faith and relationship stronger. Sadly though, nothing seems to inspire me at this point. I don’t have an issue with rising after one painful experience but when the wound has not even gone through its final healing stage, what makes another beating essential? And another? And another? I remember a verse that says “you will not be tested beyond what you can bear” and I bet some people who would listen to my rant will drop that line. Now that my heart is crushed to smithereens, does this show that I can actually bear more than what others normally can’t? And so what is next? And what does that make me?

My mental frame at this stage (I’m saying it is temporary) is that I have reached a level of insignificance, bad enough to make me lose interest in anticipating the good that will come out of my present predicament. I say “lose interest” in order to highlight that I still recognise the fact that there are good things that come out of a bad experience. I just don’t want to hang onto any expectation at this stage. My heart grew faint of any type of anticipation. I am just tired. When someone gets tired, he just wants to rest. Rest for the weary! I cry out. Restore the weary soul! I plead the Heavens.

“If things go wrong, there I am in the midst of it.” That probably is how I would phrase my version of Murphy's law ~ and call it Arleen’s Law.