Arleen's Law

“If anything can go wrong, it will.” The phrase more popularly known as the Murphy’s Law struck me in more ways than I ever imagined when I got to Australia. Oddly enough, everything that has to do with my work or my efforts to look for work has the Murphy’s Law written on it.

“What a terrible experience!” “That’s so unethical!” “Horrible!” “Unbelievable!” “That is so unprofessional!” Whatever the semantics, these words exclaimed by people who hear my stories aptly describes how I felt in all those “unfortunate” circumstances. Honestly, I am baffled why I have to be caught up with not just one or two but more aggravating experiences that I totally did not anticipate when I joined Ayi in Oz. Surely, the difficulty in finding a job has been factored in as a consequence of the GFC. “You came in at the wrong time,” as most of them would say. But to be a “victim” of people who take advantage of others (and not just once) is just not what I have prepared my heart for.

I have so many questions in my heart and although I knew how God would respond to my cries, I still could not help but ask Him “why?” To add insult to injury, I had to be placed in a position where I can actually witness my own unanswered prayers glaringly being granted to other people I “almost” abhor. I am not questioning God’s supremacy. Surely, He’s capable of blessing others in a manner and time that He chooses to. It’s just too much for me to take in.

Did I make the wrong decision? Or to make it more fitting, did we make the wrong decision in coming here? The answer to that has been made clear to us by God in more than one occasion. We have received His affirmation a number of times. So what is the reason for my present plight? What rightful place does it have in this route we are taking? That is my BIG question. I have had all those readings about trials and testing and all adages illustrating how challenging circumstances can make one’s faith and relationship stronger. Sadly though, nothing seems to inspire me at this point. I don’t have an issue with rising after one painful experience but when the wound has not even gone through its final healing stage, what makes another beating essential? And another? And another? I remember a verse that says “you will not be tested beyond what you can bear” and I bet some people who would listen to my rant will drop that line. Now that my heart is crushed to smithereens, does this show that I can actually bear more than what others normally can’t? And so what is next? And what does that make me?

My mental frame at this stage (I’m saying it is temporary) is that I have reached a level of insignificance, bad enough to make me lose interest in anticipating the good that will come out of my present predicament. I say “lose interest” in order to highlight that I still recognise the fact that there are good things that come out of a bad experience. I just don’t want to hang onto any expectation at this stage. My heart grew faint of any type of anticipation. I am just tired. When someone gets tired, he just wants to rest. Rest for the weary! I cry out. Restore the weary soul! I plead the Heavens.

“If things go wrong, there I am in the midst of it.” That probably is how I would phrase my version of Murphy's law ~ and call it Arleen’s Law.